Nudity For Fun and Profit Chapter Two: Office Slave

The stack of paper thuds as it lands on my desk.

“Alicia,” my boss says with exaggerated patience. “Double-sided. I asked you for double-sided copies.”

I think that in a former life, he must have taught second grade. In a one-room schoolhouse. Where he was allowed to administer corporal punishment.

I flip through the pages. What’s he talking about? They are double-sided. I hold them out in front of him one at a time, raise my eyebrow, and hold my tongue. I need this job.

Rob leans in closer and says, “These are crooked. Does someone need to learn how to use the copier?”

Yes. That would be you.

I rifle through the stack again. The whole pile looks fine to me. Oh, wait – there it is: page three is a teensy bit slanted. We’re talking about maybe one sixteenth of an inch. The rest of the project looks fine.

“It looks like it’s only this one page, Rob,” I say quickly. “I’ll do it over.”

 Rob shakes his head and looks down at me like I’m retarded. “You have to do them all over, Alicia, otherwise the pages won’t match.”

They won’t match? He’s out of his goddamned tree.

“And I need them in fifteen minutes for my meeting. I can’t show this project to the client the way it is right now. I’d look completely unprofessional.” He turns and walks toward his office.

“You said it, not I,” I whisper under my breath.

Rob’s ears perk up. “What?”

“I said, I’m on it,” I tell him with a big fake smile.

I look down at the project. It’s about a hundred pages long. I wonder for the millionth time what cardinal sins I’ve committed, and whether I can do my time in a soup kitchen to work them off instead of doing my penance in here. For ten dollars an hour, it’s not worth it.

I got another phone call from a collections agency this morning. I pretended to be Heloise and took a message. That’s really not going to fly for too long.

I glare at Rob’s self-important figure as it thankfully retreats into his office.  Fifteen minutes. The clock is ticking. I’d bet my right arm that I’m not getting a lunch break today.

I stare meaningfully at the door of his office. I’ll get you one day, Rob – and your little mullet, too.

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