Any advice for the New Kids on the Block?

LZ Hansen: Starting out in the sex industry, be it stripping, whoring, or porn movies, you’ll know after day one if this is something you can make a career out of. If it is, try to make a plan–how many years do you intend on being in this business? And try to stash your money. We all think the big bucks will be there tomorrow, so we spend it all today. I woke up after 17 years, having made and hustled millions of dollars, with nothing but the clothes on my back & a lot of stories.

If you’re doing it to survive, like I was, try to get off the drugs and straighten out your life. Otherwise, you might never make it out alive. Above all, be true to yourself, conduct yourself with honesty and dignity and you’ll make it. And don’t forget to have fun, because it is a hell of a ride.

Lauri Shaw: It’s a job. Treat it like one. Be responsible, punctual, and sober.

Do your research. There’s plenty of info out there that wasn’t easily accessible before. Use it. Find the online message boards where both workers and customers write about the clubs. Learn the laws in every state and country you plan to work before you get there.

If you’re stripping, you’re paying the club to work. That means they do not own you. You are an independent contractor. They will also not have your back at tax time or if the club ever gets busted. They’re looking out for their interests and you’re looking out for yours. Be friendly, but always watch your back.

Put together your business dream team: your stylist; your personal trainer; your lawyer; your accountant; and possibly your stockbroker. Keep receipts and keep a set of books. As an entertainer, you’re a sole proprietorship company.

The window of time you can hustle at a job like this is finite. Save, invest, and plan for the future.

Georgina Spelvin: Insist on condoms and save your money. Oh, and this is for everybody, not just sex workers, moisturize! All over. Every day.

Dr. Betty Dodson: Avoid having first time sexual encounters under the influence of booze. If sex is worth doing it’s best being conscious when you’re doing it.

Nina Hartley: Save your money. Have a plan for After. Don’t date anyone who gives you shit for being a sex worker, period. If you don’t do it at home for free, don’t do it on camera for money. If you don’t do anal, don’t do anal. Don’t do cream pies for any amount of money. Pay your taxes. Go to school. Your newness is your most valuable asset, so guard it carefully and don’t over work your first year. Learn to say “no” and make it stick. Work as little as you can afford to and have a life. Extensions look trashy. Ditto very long nails. Think twice before you get that boob job. Three times, actually. If you do, shop around, a LOT. Do not go for lip injections, period, lest you be called “Daisy Duck.” Easy on the spray tan, Eugene.

Kelly Hayworth: You’re probably thinking you are different; you may consider yourself an “unlikely stripper.” You are not. The men and women that make up the sex industry come from all walks of life and backgrounds; they might be great cooks, strong athletes, accomplished writers; they may even have degrees. That’s right: having a college degree does not make you a special case. I was horribly condescending when I started out in the sex industry. “I’m not like them” I would think — I hope I never said it out loud — “these are hopeless cases; stupid, vapid, no futures; I’m just doing this because…” The end of that sentence, I now realize, is “because of the same reasons everyone else does it.”

Essence Alexander: Be clear about the fact that you are running your own business. Invest your money into vehicles that will allow you to walk away with some income. If you get to the point that you can’t do the job without a drink, etc. it’s time to quit!

Carol Queen: I think these three things increase your chances of a positive experience:
— Get as much sex info, and be as sex-positive, as you can. If you think your clients want unusual and perverted things, it won’t do your self-image any good (or your social skills as a good whore).
— Understand as much about your OWN sexuality as you can. It’s your own choice whether you share your true colors with clients (I always thought having orgasms was a fine perk, myself), but at least have sexual pleasure in your life somewhere. Also be clear about any challenging sexual stuff in your past (and try to root any of this out of your present life, if there is anything like an abusive partner or boss). This also means you are better-equipped to negotiate from a place of self-knowledge.
— Have some support. Maybe you can’t tell everyone what you’re doing, but have someone you can talk to and share the “shop talk” that is so useful (and frequently interesting) to work through.

Annie Sprinkle, PhD.: Follow your muse. Stay in your truth. Do it your way. Be willing to, and have the courage to, change–because change happens. I had a wonderful porn star support group called Club 90, which was extremely empowering and helpful. We have been the best of friends, and meeting for twenty five years. So if possible, get yourself a support group of like minded peers. For me, nothing could be better than that.

Melissa Petro: When I share my story, one or two women will typically come up to me and reveal that they’ve had a similar experience, or that they’re considering sex work.

I don’t give advice, but I do share my experience often, which is a somewhat cautionary tale. My only suggestion is to ask yourself if you can do this type of work and remain true to the woman you are and to the people that you love. Many women can and do. I didn’t, and that’s what brought about most of the pain in my story. Research suggests it’s neither traffickers nor pimps nor drugs nor disease but, rather, the stigmatized and criminalized nature of sex work are the greatest contributing factors making sex work dangerous.

There is nothing inherently wrong with sex work, other than the fact that it is illegal and looked down upon. Society continuing to condemn and criminalize sex for money obfuscates the real issues– typically, issues of poverty, immigration, education, and so on. Those of us who can, have a moral obligation to speak up and share the reality of ourselves and our experiences.

Antonia Crane: Stay sane and sober while doing your job and I swear you’ll make ten times the cash you made drunk or high. Promise.
Jo “Boobs” Weldon: Get your tax and other legal advice from professionals, not in the dressing room.

Rachel Aimee: Grow a thick skin fast — you’ll need it. Don’t let the assholes get to you, and stay away from the ones who play mind games. Avoid drama in the club. Know that the other girls are exaggerating how much money they’re making, and everyone always says it was better last year. Try not to cry on the bad nights.

Caty Simon: LEARN your trade. Don’t be isolated. This is not a game, and it has high stakes, especially if you aspire to a legitimate career later on. Find a benevolent indie escort who will take you under her wing for a small cut and teach you how to screen clients and watch for the sort of legal entrapment that the police practice. After you’re on your own, join a bad call list/ database. If there isn’t one in your area, start one. And listen to your instincts, ALWAYS. They’ll get better as you’re in the business longer. The only thing that won’t get better is your own propensity to tell yourself that you’re just being paranoid. But remember–no amount of money is worth your life or your freedom.

Tracy Quan: Pfft. Is it kind of pompous to give advice to the new girls? I do appreciate the advice I received as a newbie, even when I didn’t take it. So here’s one thing I feel strongly about: don’t feel guilty about lying. Nobody is entitled to know what you do. Lying about it is one of our traditions. If you follow this tradition, be honest with yourself and kind to others. Don’t tell a guy you’re dating him exclusively while you see customers behind his back — let him know you still date other guys and leave it at that. If you create ambiguity, you’re not turning him into some kind of patsy. (It’s really none of his business whether the other men are paying.)

Also, no matter how angry you get during a lover’s quarrel, you should never use the fact that you see men for money as a weapon. It’s been known to happen. Some people, harboring a sexual secret, will lash out with their secret when they’ve been arguing. If you use this info to hurt or insult a guy or to get the last word, you’ll regret it.

Jennifer “Blowdryer” Waters: My favorite advice books, besides my own, Good Advice for Young Trendy People of All Ages, is Anna Deavere Smith’s Letters to a Young Artist, Quentin Crisp’s Manners from Heaven , and Ariel Gore’s How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead. Smith reminds us that anybody who has power is The Man, and it’s wise not to forget that. Crisp’s main point was that you take your riches in people, and true style is both consistent and comes from within. My advice is skittish: be an open book – never make information a weapon, it’s old fashioned. If you’re threatened by an up and comer, love them instead. And in these hard times, you should have somebody sleeping under your kitchen table at least once in awhile, or you’re not even fricking human.

Jodi Sh. Doff: Some jobs more than others, but every aspect of Naked for Money still has some stigma attached to it. That’s potent stuff, even when it feels like it’s not, or like you’re tougher than that. Make sure you have someone outside of the business who loves you. Someone who can listen without judging, who has your best interest at heart, will call you on your shit, will have your back. That’s probably good advice for everyone, no matter how you make your money…

Do-Over

What happens when you get 15 Naked Ladies in one virtual room?
You get an incredible end of year Gang Bang.
We’re tackling the hard questions… and the answers are surprising

If you could have a do over, wouldja do it again?

LZ Hansen: Yes! I’d do it again, I loved my life as a whore. I had issues when I was a speedball freak, but that had nothing to do with whoring. I loved brothel life, loved the women I met, not all, but even the bitches I fought with, I liked.

I’d do it all exactly the same. I made a stack of money & blew it on drugs, vacations & things. As long as my drugs & rent were paid for, I didn’t need a lot of stuff. Then, as a sober whore, I made the money again & spent it on more things & bigger rent. I got my American Dream, still no regrets. I have no shame. Today, I tell the world I was a whore & loved it!

Georgina Spelvin: Yeah, I’d probably have jumped at the chance to be in a movie even if it DID require explicit sex. I was that eager to be in film and I still don’t see why the actuality of real-life intercourse between humans should be less palatable than a good turtle-fuck on Animal Kingdom.

Betty Dodson: Yes! My naked lady days was throwing or attending sex parties in the sixties and seventies, but no money exchanged hands. When I was a sex coach guiding women through pleasure rituals so they could learn how to provide their own orgasms with masturbation, I got paid. It wasn’t until I was postmenopausal that I did a few doubles with my girlfriends who were sex workers. Their johns were often more polite than many men I’d dated.

I’d like to see more women and men better sexually educated and skilled so they could provide their own erotic entertainment. We need to get beyond the only accepted model of heterosexual monogamous marriages, a lifestyle that ends up creating party girls, prostitutes and johns. No one should have to pay to enjoy orgasms.

Nina Hartley: Yes, definitely. I’d have left my first husband ten years earlier and have married Ernest that much sooner. I’d manage my money better (though sex workers are notoriously bad with money management, as a general rule). I’d have taken a stronger interest in the business aspect of porn, instead of just the artistic/personal aspects of it.

Essence Alexander: I’d do it again. I would plan my exit up front. I would save.

Carol Queen: Yes, absolutely. I learned more in the trenches of the sex biz than I have almost anywhere else. There’s plenty of secret know-how between those sheets. I’m not sure I’d really do anything differently except maybe learn better money management skills. I didn’t piss away my earnings, but neither do I have any of that money any more. Of course, my 401(K) is half gone, too, and that had nothing to do with my money management. What I invested in while I was a sex worker was time to develop my writing. I recommend every sex worker figure out what s/he/ze is in fact investing in.

Jodi Sh. Doff: Sure. Knowing what I know today, in a heartbeat. I’d put a major chunk of change away right off the top, investing it in real estate. I’d drink less, say “No” more often and take lots of photographs.

Tracy Quan: In my teens, I met a wealthy guy who had quite a crush on me. He was in his late twenties, very civilized, and he wanted to court me rather than pay for sex. He barely touched me that night and insisted on giving me lots and lots of cab fare as I was leaving the hotel room. Any sensible girl in my shoes would have called him the next day and pursued the relationship, but I didn’t know what to do. I was intimidated, didn’t feel glamorous enough for this rich playboy, so I ran away from the attraction. I should have been more courageous. I should have asked another working girl for advice. Instead, I kept the episode to myself and never saw him again. I was a scrappy little idiot.

Annie Sprinkle: I’ve had a great life, and would love to do it again, and again, several times. I would take a few classes on running a small business, and how to manage money when I first got into the biz. I’d learn to balance my check book, invest, and save money. But then again, I would probably enjoy blowing my money all over again.

Melissa Petro: Today I am entirely comfortable with the person I am, and I recognize that who I am is the cumulative effect of my choices and experiences. For this reason, there is nothing in my past that I regret, nothing I would change or wish to undo. This is not to say that I didn’t make mistakes or that my choices didn’t bring about a terrible amount of unnecessary suffering, only that I’ve learned – or, am learning – from my past and, hopefully, by sharing my experience, I can use my past to help or educate others. The experiences I’ve had, as well as my education, put me in a somewhat unique position to have a positive impact on peoples’ lives.

Antonia Crane: Yes. I’d do it all again the same way. I wouldn’t change those years dancing in San Francisco during The Golden Age for anything. But, if I didn’t keep going back to dancing, I may have pursued other goals more voraciously. I wish I would have gone to school much sooner, instead of well into my thirties, but I’m relieved to have the self esteem to pursue my career now.

Jo “Boobs” Weldon: I would do it again. If I had to do something differently, I would probably take it more seriously as a job than as something that was impeding me. That’s the feeling I had when I was very young–that it was taking more from me than I was getting out of it. I can see the advantages and disadvantages differently now.

Rachel Aimee: Absolutely. I can’t think of a more convenient way I could’ve supported myself through four and a half years of volunteer-editing $pread! In an alternate universe, I would’ve put more effort into trying to be a good stripper – calling customers, buying new outfits once in a while, etc – but in reality that’s just not me and it never would’ve worked. No, I wouldn’t make any changes. I’d do it exactly the same all over again. (OK, maybe this is the nostalgic talking now because I only just quit!)

Caty Simon: In a heartbeat. Escorting gave me financial self-sufficiency, self-respect, new skills, too many things to list here. Only this time, unlike the childish 21 year old I was, and the dope fiend I became, I wouldn’t carry around my ill gotten cash in a money clip and act like a Mafioso, treating all my friends to dinner at the most expensive restaurants and working back to zero all the time. I wouldn’t have the misbegotten impression that what I thought of as “free money”, à la Patti Smith, would last forever, as sadly, so many escorts do. I would save, save, save – at least half my income. And I’d give more of it to the activist movements I’m involved with today.

Kelly Hayworth: I do wish that I could go back and hustle those timewasters I didn’t know how to deal with in the beginning. It took me a while to learn. I didn’t begin stripping until I was 26. I sometimes wonder if I should have started earlier…

Lauri Shaw: I would’ve done it differently. I’d have been more careful which girls I trusted to tell me the rules when I first started. I’d have left my ego at the door, and understood that it was a JOB – it did not define how pretty I was, or what else I was fit to do with my life. I wouldn’t have so readily allowed people to manipulate me.

I’d have stayed sober when I was on the clock, kept my nose clean (no pun intended), and socked away money like there was no tomorrow. Lastly, I’d have been honest with myself about how I felt about the job – vs. the way I thought I should be ashamed. I’d have stood up to the world, stripped for another 5 – 15 years, bought real estate, made other investments during those boom years. I’d be sitting pretty right now…

Re-reading my response to this question pissed me off. While I was writing it in late December, I realized just how much of this ending is unresolved for me. I quit ten years ago believing I needed to do something more “legitimate” with my life. Having regrets is frankly incompatible with the woman I think I am. And so I’ve decided to return to the front lines after all these years. At a very different place in my life and in a different country! I’m very excited about what comes next.

I think the fact that I’m older now is great. It will put more money in my pocket. I’ve been on one audition so far and seen the girls. They don’t look any older than I do. My life is very different now as well. I have a husband who’s behind me 99.9% and has his own money coming in. I’ve cut ties years ago with any relatives who’d think it’s okay to judge me. I’ve had several jobs in mainstream entertainment, moved out of New York, and seen a whole lot more of the world. I know the perils of being intoxicated at work and have decided it’s a no-no for me.

Bottom line: I’m no longer that scared little girl who would do anything to keep a roof over her head. I have choices now. And I’m happy to be able to say that my choice is to go be the best stripper I can be, for as long as I can make great money doing it.

Sons and Brothers

What happens when you get 15 Naked Ladies in one virtual room?
You get an incredible end of year Gang Bang.
We’re tackling the hard questions… and the answers are surprising

How do you feel about your son or brother being a client, customer, trick? What do you want him to know?

LZ Hansen: I’d hope at some point my son would experience a prostitute. Every man should. It’s relaxing, it their version of going to a day spa. But I would pray he was a gentleman, tipped well, and treated the women with utmost respect. As with any addiction I would hope he wouldn’t become a sex addict as many of my customers were. If paying for sex is recreational what’s the prob?

Lauri Shaw: I’d tell him, treat sex workers well, and pick companions he’d want to treat well. Be selective about where he spends his time and money. No zombies, no psychos, no rip-off artists. Same as if he was dating. I don’t want the men in my life to hurt anyone, nor do I want them to get hurt. Money entering the equation still doesn’t change the golden rule.

Georgina Spelvin: Better than knocking up his teenage heart-throb. What he should know? Same thing he should know vis-a-vis Heart-throb – No glove? No love! NO unprotected sex until procreation is the object.

Betty Dodson: Only if he was not abusing drugs and using a high-end escort service. I would prefer he was confident enough in his sexuality that he could provide his own orgasms alone or with partners.

Nina Hartley: Professionals are people, too, so treat them with respect. Pay for their time and ability. Speak clearly and ask for what you want. Listen to what they have to say about sex and relationships. Don’t fuss about using rubbers.

Essence Alexander: Whether my son was in a relationship or buying it, I would want it to be safe sex. If he was going to be a strip club customer, I’d want him to know that if he didn’t have a large amount of EXPENDABLE income that he should probably just buy a pack of beverages and go to a buddy’s house.

Carol Queen: I’ve actually written an essay in which I hoped my dad had access to the sex industry, so yeah, anyone in my bloodline could avail himself of erotic entertainment and it’d be fine with me. I would want him to know that he should be clear about his desires and negotiate for them respectfully; he ought to appreciate any sexworker he interacts with and know that people who provide sexual services are a special kind of person worthy of value. (This, in fact, is the sense I got from the majority of my clients, and it *should* be the basis of any of our interactions with clients/customers.)

Jodi Sh. Doff: I’d want him to understand she is for his entertainment and to treat her with the respect he’d have for a Broadway actor and the compassion he’d have for the ingenue in an off, off, off Broadway production. That the evenings end in the same way as well: when a play is over, actors go one way and the audience another. I’d want him to understand that time is money, but paying for someone’s time is simply that and nothing more, paying for their time.

Annie Sprinkle: Whores are wonderful people. Why would I have a problem? Paying for sex isn’t that different than getting a massage, a pedicure, or a gourmet meal. Its pleasurable. I’d want him to know that he needs to have the utmost respect, even reverence, for the woman, man or tranny whore that he’s with. And leave a really big tip.

Antonia Crane: I’d tell them to always tip girls on stage when they’re dancing and be generous, respectful and kind to them. If they were hiring escorts, I’d tell them them to use condoms, and tell them all about STD’s because I have a background in STD/HIV counseling. I’d want them to be safe and discreet. I’d want them to know that it’s a fantasy and not something to get emotionally invested in-even if he’s convinced that the girl really likes him-when push comes to shove, it’s a job.

Kelly Hayworth: I’d be fine with it–as long as he wasn’t acting like a jerk, was generous, polite and treated the women well. I would want him to understand that if he goes to a strip club and the girls seem to really like him, that’s because they’re working. If he turned into one of those clowns that starts talking about how he and Candy are “really good friends”, I’d have to make an intervention.

Jo “Boobs” Weldon: I would want him to understand that there is more pressure on the worker if he hassles her about whether or not she’s enjoying her work. I would tell him to simply appreciate the service and the pleasure.

Tracy Quan: I have two brothers, and would be surprised if they’ve never paid for sex. I also have a double standard. Being a punter doesn’t seem problematic or unusual, while selling sex to earn a living comes with more cultural baggage. Of course, I want my brothers to have commercial adventures only where they won’t be arrested. The laws concerning prostitution are being rewritten in many countries, and penalties against customers are becoming more common, so my brothers – if they do pay for sex – may be acquiring some of that extra baggage.That’s too bad. I hope, if my brother gets arrested, that he won’t wimp out and declare himself a sex addict in need of rehab!

Rachel Aimee: I don’t have a brother, but if I had a son who went to strip clubs, I’d want him to really understand that the relationship is about money and not get taken in and start thinking the girls actually like him. Strangely, I feel more opposed to the idea of a son or daughter of mine being a regular client of the sex industry than a sex worker. I guess I’ve just seen so many lonely guys with dysfunctional lives throwing their money away night after night and not getting much out of it. (Although my perspective is probably kinda screwed because I can’t imagine being a regular customer or client myself.) Having said that, I wouldn’t have any problem with my son being an occasional customer, as long as he had enough money to be a decent one!

PJ Starr: I assume that my brothers, cousins and male friends in general have dipped their toes into the the thrilling stream(s) of services provided by sex workers. I think about all the sex workers out there, seeing so many clients and it seems to me that the chances are that fellows I know have been (or still are) clients.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t need to know whether or not or under what circumstance my relatives and friends have paid for sex. That is their own private business. I only hope that if they have been clients, they were well-behaved, acquiesced to safe sex, paid what they were supposed to and left a nice tip if they appreciated the service. Oh, and took a shower or similar depending the service, then put the towel away neatly and put the toilet seat down.

Caty Simon: I would feel fine about my brother seeing an escort, since as he knows his sister is one, he’d treat her with the utmost respect. The only problem I might foresee with that arrangement is that my brother’s an incurable romantic, and I hope he’d understand the boundaries of the commercial relationship going in. This question implies that some of us might feel our clients are in some way transgressing, and I don’t believe that at all. Our clients are almost always just normal men, and at best, amazing men who understand that not all sex needs to be monogamous and free of charge, despite what mainstream culture might tell us.

What happens when you get 15 Naked Ladies in one virtual room?
You get an incredible end of year Gang Bang.
We’re tackling the hard questions… and the answers are surprising

Round 1: When it’s all said and done, if you had a daughter, would you want her to work in the business today?

LZ Hansen: I’ve always said that if my daughter were to become a prostitute I’d probably be fine with it. If I knew she could handle it like I did. It’s not for everyone, and some strong fearless females have been chewed up spat out & pissed on. I guess luck has some thing to do with it. I’ve always had amazing luck. I closed my brothels in 2002 because the business had changed so much. Women were becoming more renegade, not part of the “family” I had loved so back in the 1980s. I’d only really be comfortable if I knew she was safe, not strung out & not handing money to some maniac-pimp.

Lauri Shaw: Do you suppose Monica Lewinsky’s mother worried about sending her on that internship at the White House? Lewinsky ended up in the same boat as Ashley Dupre did a few years later… Dupre was a call girl, Lewinsky was somebody’s upper-middle-class daughter. The label “whore” can be slapped on anyone. If I had a daughter, it wouldn’t matter if she worked in a strip club or next to heads of state — she’d have as much dignity as I could possibly impart to her. And I would hope whatever she wanted to do would be fine with me.

Same time, I’d want to make sure she didn’t go in naive, the way I did. A lot of people hurt and took advantage of me because I didn’t know what I was doing. It’d be great if she had someone levelheaded to show her the ropes.

Georgina Spelvin: Honestly, no. It’s too dangerous and lonely.

Betty Dodson: Only if she was a high-end call girl and not abusing drugs. I would prefer she make her own money in her chosen profession.

Nina Hartley: No. It’s undergoing massive changes now and I don’t know if it will continue to be any source of steady work. Plus the stigma of being in porn is still pretty common. Easier in than out, and that’s not always a good thing. I’d like to think that I’d raise her to be grounded sexually but to keep it to herself and make her mark in the world.

Candida Royalle: No… Because I know that despite the fact that millions and millions view, rent, buy explicit movies, most people still look down on the women who perform in them. Even though I believe that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with women performing sexually for others to view and enjoy, as long as we live in a culture that insists on offering up only two visions of women — madonna, mother and good girl or whore, bad girl, a woman to be scorned and punished — women who choose to openly and publicly display their sexuality will forever have certain doors closed and opportunities denied. When we’re young we think it doesn’t matter, but as we get older we grow to understand the impact this can have not only on our lives, but on the lives of those we love… especially our children who will be forced to deal with possible ridicule as a result of our choices.

Kelly Hayworth: I think the word “want” is too strong for me, as it is not something I would necessarily wish for, but I wouldn’t be opposed to my daughter working in the sex industry. I think that it could be a positive thing for her: character building — it was for me. I have limits though; while I would hope that by the time my daughter was an adult she would be independent enough to do whatever she wants, I wouldn’t want her working on the streets, and ideally I’d hope that she had other plans for a future outside of the sex industry: something creative like in film or literature (perhaps these are my own wishes).

I don’t think that’s hypocritical, because who doesn’t want their child to grow up to be something really amazing? I don’t know if anyone says “I really hope my daughter grows up to be an accountant,” you know?

Essence Alexander: If my daughter could not be talked out of it, I would tell her the caveat is that she has to have a clear exit plan. I would sit down with her and develop a 3-5 year business plan with measurable goals. I think about 3-5 years in she’d want out anyway. I’d also warn her of all the potential pitfalls: drugs, over spending, safety, etc.

Carol Queen: I have cats, not kids, BUT: I’d absolutely support any (adult) daughter of mine working in the sex industry, provided I felt she had enough knowledge to make the right choices about how and under what circumstances to work. I would want her to know other sex workers and have supportive, collegial relationships with them; I don’t think this is work to do alone, or as a loner. I’d want to make sure she knew she could (and in fact ought to) bring her brain with her to work, and only work where that’s respected.

Jodi Sh. Doff: You know, in a perfect world I’d say fine. The costumes, the lights, the glitter, the playing dress up and being the center of attention are all wonderful in theory. But theory is for classrooms. In the real world, people judge, media exploits and more than anything, as long as our laws continue not to support sex workers rights, as long as the work is stigmatized, it’s not safe work. No, not until things change and she can go to work knowing that if something happens, she can turn to the courts and the police and expect the same respect, attention and diligence as anyone else.

Tracy Quan: If I had a daughter? I’d want her to be a CPA. It’s the only occupation I can think of that seems safe enough for a child of mine to pursue. The business is just one of many industries that would scare the daylights out of me if it were my daughter. I could easily be one of those ultra-protective helicopter mums, because I know too much about what’s out there. I’m lucky I was never arrested and sometimes think I’m lucky to be alive! I don’t assume everyone else will be lucky. However, assertive daughters forge their own paths, and often go against their mothers. That’s the natural order of things.

Annie Sprinkle: It would depend on what my daughter was like. If the job suited her well, and it was what she really wanted to do, I would have no problem with it. Why should I? But I would want her to have a great guide/agent/mentor to educate her, keep her safe, and prosperous. I would hope that prostitution would be decriminalized by then, and thus a safer job. But then there are much more dangerous jobs than prostitute.

Melissa Petro: I wouldn’t encourage my daughter to be a sex worker. I wouldn’t discourage her either. Ultimately, every woman is free to choose how she makes herself sexually available, to whom, and for what in exchange — and we all do, all the time, sex worker and non-sex worker alike. If I were to have a daughter, hopefully I would parent her in such a way that she’d be prepared to make good choices. I wouldn’t want someone — especially someone I love — to make the same mistakes I did, but becoming a sex worker was not in and of itself a mistake, and I recognize that women have different experiences in the industry. Most important, I think, is to show love and practice acceptance no matter what choices someone makes.

Rachel Aimee: I wouldn’t have a problem with my daughter (or son, for that matter) working in strip clubs if I felt she was a sensible person who could take care of herself. It’s true that there are plenty of temptations in the clubs — to drink, do drugs, get carried away with trying to make as much money as possible and forget your other goals in life, etc. — but I also know from personal experience that it’s perfectly possible to just treat it as a job and have a functional and productive life outside of work. So I would only have a problem with my daughter being a stripper, or any kind of a sex worker, if I felt she was the kind of person who might get carried away with it and get into trouble — in which case I’d probably be worrying about her whatever she did!

Antonia Crane: If she was pursuing other goals then I’d want her to be a dancer. It makes financial sense. I believe that my daughter would have the common sense to make sound and sane decisions.

Next Wednesday: Round 2: How do you feel about your son or your brother being a client, customer or trick? What do you want him to know?

Naked Ladies get around! Look for the Three Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on thedirtygirldiaries.com and laurishaw.com.

Lauri Shaw: Female sexuality is practically non-existent in mainstream Jewish culture. We were invisible in the strip clubs when I worked. Yet, I know we were there… also that there are plenty of Jews in porn. So how does growing up Jewish prepare you / or not for a career in the sex industry?

Jessica Pauline: Well, it definitely prepared me to have a healthy dose of guilt both during and after my career in the sex industry. I didn’t grow up with any explicit values surrounding sex or sexuality, but I always knew that nice Jewish girls value their minds way before their bodies. Obviously, that’s a totally respectable value system, but because of it I always felt terrified that if anyone from my hometown (or home synagogue, God forbid) found out that I was stripping they’d think that I was doing something stupid, which is the cardinal sin for suburban middle-class Jews. You can have just about any flaw, but being or acting stupid brings the utmost of shame upon your family.

Jodi Sh. Doff: I don’t agree at all about the sexuality — it’s not like Catholics are all, Go ahead kids, screw around, it’s fun! I grew in Levittown, surrounded by Italian & Irish retired cops and fireman. We were one of the few Jewish families, although culturally only, with no religious practices. I’d hear “The only way to stop a Jewish woman from fucking is marry her,” but I heard it from my own father. I felt like that was permission to screw around, although I’m sure that wasn’t his intention! Still, my house was the opposite of what you experienced. My parents were political activists, very open, free your mind kind of liberal Long Island Jews. My mother wanted me to enjoy my body and my sexuality. She was light years ahead of the curve on that one and while she hated the topless bars, Judaism was never the issue.

LS: I grew up in a fundamentalist Conservative Jewish home. In terms of ritualism and repression we had more in common with Catholics — or Jehovah’s Witnesses — than with the Reform Jews I knew in Great Neck. My father conducted Shabbat dinner every Friday night, made us go to synagogue every Saturday, and Hebrew school on Sundays. We kept kosher. I hated it ALL. At the age of six, I was already an atheist — I’d been told that women were second class citizens.

When I was 13, I had a Bat Mitzvah, after which I announced, “The rabbi says I’m an adult now; you can’t make me go to services anymore.” The only time I ever entered a synagogue after that, I was 15, sneaking in with my (recovering-Catholic) boyfriend. The ladies’ room on the main floor had this amazing lounge with sofas, mirrors on the ceiling. An ideal place for wayward teenagers to have sex. Come to think of it, it looked a lot like a champagne room!

JP: I think this issue is largely about how we see ourselves, and how much of that self-image is rooted in Judaism and/or Jewish culture. For instance, the first month of stripping for me was a complete revelation, because I was suddenly someone I’d never been before. I’ve always been kind of goofy — I love to laugh, I’m really friendly, I’m always the one who kills the joke by repeating it for hours. In short, I’m no seductress. So to see myself as objectively sexy — to the point that someone would pay me for it — was so shocking and awesome that I would say it was moderately addictive. But it did break from the values with which I was raised, values that — while not expressly religious — are very much associated with Jewish culture. By drawing lines between my value system and my culture’s value system, I was deviating from expectations, and that made me feel like I was somehow letting down the tribe.

JshD: When I was a kid I was hot for the JDL, so sexy in their paramilitary garb. And I conveniently identified when I’d hear there were no Jewish alcoholics, because we only drank on happy occasions. I was one happy Jew for a long, long, long time, but in-between, when I was working, Judaism never really influenced my actions or decisions that I’m aware of.

LS: It definitely had a big impact on my sexuality. I got pushed so hard in one direction, I exploded in the other. I reveled in being an outlaw slut. At the same time, I never admitted to anyone in the clubs that I was Jewish.

If you’ve been around Jews, you can tell I have Ashkenazi features. But when customers asked, I said I was Irish-American. This is a direct result of the completely schizophrenic way I was raised. My father’s religiosity reigned supreme in our household — I got my ass beat when I broke those rules. But then he’d take us on Navy bases — or anywhere outside of NY — and warn, “Don’t tell anyone you’re Jewish.” He saw anti-Semites hiding behind every bush.

I didn’t know if people would treat me differently if they knew, and in any case I’d left the flock. I had serious issues with my ethnicity-that-was-a-religion-that-was-an-ethnicity.

JshD: I’ve never denied being a Jew. I mean you get those idiots that have that “nice Jewish girl” image, but from what I’ve found, it’s mostly the Jewish men that have that. I worked for two different Jewish bar owners. Myron was harder on me than on the other girls — he had an element of hypocritical disdain towards me, a Jewish girl doing that work. Paul, however, treated me like an uncle — albeit an incestuous uncle — giving me extra privileges so I didn’t have to do what the “goyim” did for money. The Gentiles on the other hand, they’re all hot to get a Jewish girl. Wiseguys and mobsters were turned on by the fact that I was a Jewess, and so it was a big turn on for me. Why not, it’s where my curves came from!